Wednesday, February 16, 2011

oH GOD thE PaIN (psyche!)


So it's been a while since I last blogged. I don't know, maybe. I'm too lazy to open a new tab and check when that last update was (please slap me for typing that). But I was just surprised to discover that Blogspot is no longer blocked at my school. I'd like to take this study hall procrastination session to tell you everything is going smoothly. The spring has begun, and I've had no problems with my personal bogeymen.

I also figure it's about time to explain what all of this paranoid (?) blogging means.

December. I was going through a bit of a tough phase. Bogged down with work and school and all, and to top it off I've got my paranoid niece to worry about. I lost contact with David, and took refuge in horror movies and the internet. I lived on Mountain Dew and black coffee. And that's when he appeared.

He being... well, I don't think it's necessary to say, knowing what my obsession was in October and November. I'm talking about the Slender Man, dummy.

But let's just say I was wrong. Too much creepypasta-writing and too little common sense led me to this delusion, the delusion that I was being followed by some faceless Eldrich horror. The paranoia didn't last long. Eventually, I dismissed it all as the stories getting to me. So naturally I stopped believing.

And what do you know. Slendy disappeared faster than I could whip out a twenty dollar bill.

And in his place came the terrible nightmares. I might post some of my dream logs later, for those with an inclination to psychoanalysis. But in short, let me just describe them as surreal and terrifying. I started jumping at shadows. Everything that scared me at night scared me in the day. My worst nightmares were real. At first they were Slender Man, then they became, I dunno. Ghosts. Voices from Hell. Candle Cove and Pokemon Black for a while. And I knew this was all mocking me.

So I decided to play mind games with whoever was watching me. My parents, being the awesome people they are, actually allowed me to go on a several week-long trip, taking a bit of school off to gather my thoughts and see the world. And in the process, I aimed my thoughts at turning my worst fears into real things. Tangible things. I read books on serial killers. I watched some gory, squick-filled movies. None of the abominations you can't touch. Only real things. If something can kill you, you can kill it. If it's human, it has the capability to die too.

I'd like to skip the next part for now, if you don't mind. Too much work to make up. But let me tell you - my demons can now fully be considered thwarted (for now?) and the triumphant victory goes to Jacob Owen, nothing else.

Once I manage to wade my way out of the mess I made by leaving school and work, I'm starting my online video series. "The Project." I hope to put my experiences to scientific work.

Until next time, goodbye.

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